if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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