I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Randomize
