That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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