Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
