Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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