Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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