Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
