Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
