I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
