Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
