I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
