I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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