I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
