those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
i think im in europe. pls send help
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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