I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Drake has all the answers
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
