yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
