I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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