This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
