Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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