the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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