Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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