I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
