I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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