guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
