Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
