God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
