I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
