Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
