Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He better not be in your backpack
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
