Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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