don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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