I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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