i permit you to call me
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize