problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
