Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
