Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
we're so committed to being not committed
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
