i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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