Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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