Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
