That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
