I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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