I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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