I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
