I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
