True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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