there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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