we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My penis needs a shock collar
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize