Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I cannot find my penis.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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