i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize