I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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