I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
