Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he fucked my hip out of place.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
