i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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