naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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