On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
