omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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