why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We have so much sex to catch up on
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
