I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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