someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
