yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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