wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
MIDGETS
????
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
