she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
