yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
