Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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