my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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