Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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