boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
