I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
