I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
