im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
