just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
