And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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