if i can run in heels then i can drive
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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