if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
