i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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