no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
