i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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