Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Houston, we have a blender
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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