Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Randomize
